(any breaks with '----' indicate an abruptly edited section in the video) this is a transcription of this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx5Z6T7MpwA

*applause*

Jim Carrey: *mouths 'thank you' *

Letterman: wow....!!! -- How are ya?

Jim Carrey: NEW YORK CITY!!
*Letterman laughs*
Jim Carrey: *southern accent* I don't get to come to the big hound very often..!

Letterman: You haven't been here in a while --
                Jim Carrey: *southern accent* -- I like it. *pause* Especially that port authority...!
*Letterman laughs* : you go over there, do ya....

Jim Carrey: *southern accent* it's a colorful place to live...
*Letterman laughs*
Jim Carrey: *southern accent* That's right..
                   Ooooh, I love this place. Great place at Christmas.

Letterman: Nice to have ya here.--- That's a lot of fun.
*applause from audience*
        Carrey: ...an unbelievable place.
---------------
Letterman: Listen...-- but you raise an interesting question when you say--- when you go out shopping; obviously you have people to do that...Do you ever go out--- I mean because people would be on you.
Carrey: *sings* I'm the booooooy, in the plastic bu-bble!
            Umm, -- but no disease!
*Letterman laughs*
It never touches me! ---
No, actually I used to be freaked out about that sort of thing.
------------------
I know Hollywood people. I've got a mustache and spirit gum.....and uh,
Letterman: and what does your daughter think about all of this?; looking at you, what---
Carrey: -- oh she's cool with that. Yeah. Daddy's a freak.
*laughter from audience*
*in southern accent*
Yer being a freak again, huh dad?
Yeah and, uh, -- NO, no, honey, close the window!! o.O Close the shades dear...! o.o
Ummm, so I got this mustache and I applied it; and I had thick glasses; I had, you know, a baseball cap...and I kind of thought I was getting away with it; I got inside...
Letterman: Did you look, to your eyes, -- I mean, you looked different, but did you look ok when you saw this...?
Carrey: yeah, yeah, it was a little freaky...like one of those talk show guest that did something really bad....
*Letterman laughs*
Carrey: I need one of those recorders *imitates distorted voice* -- with my voice, and stuff....
but uhh, so I got inside there, and I was doing pretty good; I though, 'yeah, I'm pulling this off. This is the way I can live for the rest of my life...!'
*Letterman laughs*
And so, I got up to the vender, who's selling all this stuff -- Cirque de Solei, and uh, I kind of had my head down....and I went: *masks voice* ummm, let me see, I'll have a large t-shirt and a small one for my daughter, please. And I waited and he didn't seem to be doing anything...so I looked up, and he was staring at me like this: *imitates surprised look* ....
*laughter from audience and Letterman*
Like he had just seen Jim Carrey in a fake mustache...! You know....and I started walking my daughter to the seats, and people were yelling out, "Nice mustache Jim!!!" - "hey guys, look, it's Jim Carrey in a fake mustache!"
The acrobats were stopping in the middle of the routine, *imitates french accent* "Jim Carrey, moostache faky!"

Letterman: makes you fell like a boob...You don't need that!

Carrey: But now, it's better to just----
Letterman: -- get rid of the hat.

Carrey: ...now I just go everywhere, depending on my self-esteem level that day, you know.
*Letterman laughs*
You don't want to go out on one of those self-loathing days...
'I love you' *cries*
*Letterman and audience laugh*
But I just go out! I meet people...and it's always cool. Most of the time -- well, every once in a while there's somebody who asks for a little too much..

Letterman: Like-- like, what do you mean...? Like, more than an autograph?

Carrey: Yeah...well, they'll say something like, umm, "Hey wait here! I'm going to go have some kids, then bring'em back to meet ya!"
*audience and Letterman laugh*
"You're not doing nothing, right!?"
But um....or else it's like, *in sad crying voice* "Oh Mr Carrey...my friends would kill me if I ever told them that I met you and I didn't get your ----- UNDERWEAR."
o.O ....!..........? O.o
"Come on!! GET THOSE BRIEFS OFF!"
*Letterman laughs; audience applauds*
"Or how about some skin...! -- How about a nose hair! COME ON!"
*Letterman laughs*
"Jerk!"
*Letterman laughs*
 --------------------------
Letterman: Alright, well continue chatting with Jim carrey about stuff. Come on back!
 --------------------------
Letterman: Alanis Morisette.... Danny Devito was here last time.
Carrey: yeah I know. Quite bragging...!
*Letterman laughs*
---------------------------

Carrey: and it was very strange. Because Milosh left in the first couple of weeks, and said, *imitates his voice* "Jiiiiim! I don't know how to talk to these people! I have never been intimidated by another man! And I am intimidated by Tony Clifton!"
And I said, "well, should we fire him? Should I just come in and do an impression, or something..?"
*Letterman laughs*
------------------------

Carrey: (to Letterman) And you were in the movie...And I appreciate that. That was a great thing for you to do.
*audience applauds*
And that's the wierd thing...people that that I had commited to my character...but YOU were Dave from the moment you got here.
*Letterman laughs*
....till the moment you left.
*Letterman laughs*
When they said, 'Cut!' , he didn't just stop being Dave; it was uncanny...!
I must have been exausting---
Letterman: ---oooh it is. It's tiring being Dave.
*Carrey laughs*
It's wearying!
----------------
Letterman: Let's take a look at a clip----
----------------

Letterman: This thing open December 22. And uh, I hope this is a huge film.

Carrey: yeah....

Letterman: Well I guess it's going to be--

Carrey: Whatever....*laughs*
*Letterman smiles*

Letterman: Uuuuh, the clip here is...*points to carrey*

Carrey: I really have no idea what---

Letterman: Oh come on! YOU know what it is...!

Carrey: Celluloid!

Letterman: YOU made the damn movie, what the hell is the clip!

Carrey: It's celluloid! No I think it's some kind of mix-up, so it could be my home movies. I have no idea.
*audience laughs*

Letterman: well the staff is usually pretty observant. let me see what they have to say...
*Carrey laughs*

Letterman: *to staff* I'm talking to Jim over here, and the idea of a clip just came up....
Stage manager: It's the clip of Andy on Saturday Night Live...
Letterman: ok well ---
Carrey: Oh right! let me set this up.
Letterman: O.k. ....
Carrey: This is Andy on Saturday Night Live.
*Letterman and audience laugh*
Letterman: Jim Carrey. Man on the Moon. Take a look!
-------------------
Letterman: If I don't get a chance to see you by the end of the year, umm happy -- happy New Year...
Carrey: Thank you very much!
Letterman: do you have millennium plans; are you going to celebrate?
Carrey: I'm pretty much
      Letterman: How DO you celebrate..?
          Carrey: I'm pretty much going to play it by ear...To give you an idea.

          *to audience* Can I get a count down?
          *audience starts to count down from ten*
          *on 'one' carrey goes crazy and throws confetti out of his pocket; drinks and spits it out and throws away the cup*
          *Jim plays with the audience, then runs out side and shouts 'happy new year!' and sprays champagne. Then grabs mustard from hotdog stand, and sprays it on the vendor. Then punches out a customer. The yells 'Happy new year' again. Runs in street, and falls on hood of taxi. The stand on taxi and takes off his shirt.-- The writing on his chest says, '2000' and on the back it says, 'I'm COLD!'. Carrey comes back in the studio and dances with the camera, with no shirt on.*